Whore-oween
(My apologies if that sounds like an offensive Asian accent)

I like boobs as much as the next guy (well, unless the next guy is gay, I guess...), but there's still something pretty depressing about most women's Halloween costumes. It's like they just took anything a little girl would want to be when she grew up and made it slutty! Nurse? How about a nurse who loves giving blowjobs? Teacher? You got it - but she's teaching a class on gangbangs! (P.S. Class is in session!)

Worse still, they've even delved into the fictional characters that girls grew up loving. There are costumes for short-skirted, cleavage-sporting versions of Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake and Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, amongst many, many others. You've gotta wonder what goes through a woman's head where she's thinking, "Aw, I used to love She-Ra...Hey! I wonder what She-Ra would look like if she just couldn't get enough of the wang?"

The most impressive example I saw, though, was Sexy Raggedy Ann - a base character that is as close to asexual as a female can get. Those dolls don't even have fingers, let alone boobs. They must have had a team working overtime to sexualize that gal! But those countless man-hours paid off! It gives me hope that within my lifetime, I will see a girl dressed as "Sexy Grimace."

Regardless, why stop with childhood heroes? There are plenty of adult female role models that can be turned into fun, sexy Halloween costumes for the ladies! They've got 51 weeks to get cracking on these and cut me a check. Here's some I hope to see next year:

-Naughty Rosa Parks
-Slutty Marie Curie
-Cock-sucking Madeline Albright
-Nymphomaniacal Mother Teresa
-Jacqueline Kennedy-Onassis: Bukkake Queen (All you need is lingerie, a pillbox hat and a jar of mayonaisse)

Of course, if you need a last-minute, quick and easy costume, you can always go as "Sexy Ghost" - all you need is a sheet with a giant hole in it to show off your boobs.