A Croc of Shit

It took me a while to figure it out exactly what it is that annoys me about Crocs. Like Hummers, sewer rats, and Joel Madden, there's just something about them that makes me hate them on sight. But after some closer inspection, looking at their stupid colors, rounded edges and soft, flexible rubber, it finally hit me. They're like some kind of safety clogs that would be given to Dutch Special Ed. students.

Dutch Teacher: We'd, like your son Jörgen to try the Crocs for a bit.

Jörgen's Father: (turns to wife) Damnit! This is because of your half-witted brother's genes!

Jörgen's Möther: (weeps gently into a windmill-embroidered handkerchief)

Dutch Teacher: Now, now - it's very common. We just want Jörgen to prove that he won't give himself a splinter, or put out his eye with the toe tip. He could be wearing real clogs with the other children by the time he's in 5th grade! Provided he also stops setting fires and soiling himself.

Jörgen HAS to wear them - why are you?