Shhhh, It's Okay Baby -- Daddy's Here...

At my job, I get a stack of free comics every week. (All that's keeping this from being the complete dream job from my childhood is an accompanying delivery of Ring-Dings.) Regardless, a recent comic pile included a thick, black and white book collecting Batgirl's earliest adventures from the 1960s.

And that's cool - kids love Batman. Hell, I love Batman. And I'd imagine that for a young girl, seeing a female version of Batman has got to be pretty exciting and empowering!

Except for for the fact that THIS is the cover of the book:






Aren't you just dying to read her exciting adventures? Are you even still reading this or did you already leave to place your Amazon order (selecting the fasting shipping option, of course)! I mean, there must be some real gems in there if the freakin' COVER STORY involves Batman and Robin beating up a mountain of ruffians while Batgirl stays out of the way and "puts on her face"!

All that's missing is a thought balloon reading, "Oh, those silly men and their awful rough-housing! Someone better buy me something soon! Hrumph! "

I realize not everyone gets a giant stack of comics every week, so let me fill you in on some of my favorite stories from this volume:

-"Red Tide Strikes Again" -- A gang of bank robbers terrorizes the city, but Batgirl sits it out because she's "feeling crampy."

-"Pumps and Circumstance!" -- During an orphanage fire, Batgirl spends 48 pages trying on shoes.

-"Election Daze" -- Batgirl votes for the presidential candidate that Batman tells her to.

-"Crazy Loves Company" -- When the Mad Hatter escapes from Arkham Asylum, Batman is stumped, but Batgirl sees her chance to shine. She shares her plan to catch him with the caped crusader, "Who better to predict the next move of a mental patient than a crazy, illogical female!"

-"Tears of a Clown" -- Batgirl gets badly beaten while apprehending the Joker. However, she doesn't hand him over to the police, claiming it was her fault for getting him so mad.

-"What Cookin' With Batgirl?" -- Desperate to prove that a woman can fight crime just as well as a man, Batgirl wins the respect and support of Batman, Robin and the entire Gotham City Police Department by making them their favorite dinners. Then fellating them.

There's also a great cross-over where she defeats Catwoman by making snide comments about her outfit until she leaves in a huff.